Cold and alone,
Winter cultivates inside me
Where she freezes my broken heart.
A desolate void,
Tendrils snaking outward
Silently rending my soul apart.
Emptiness.
Despair.
Wandering listlessly, afraid
Apathy seeded throughout me
Promising a fresh start.
The futility of it all,
A fleeting look at stolen dreams
And canvas devoid of art.
Loneliness.
Unfair.
Weak and trembling
I pray for succor
Guide me to the Holy Grail
That I may drink and be healed.
Beneath The Headstone 
I like the ending. Of course I can feel what you felt in the moment.
Winter cultivates in me
She freezes, she breaks my heart.
(Don’t have to repeat the she. Just a suggestion. Since you’re sharing this on the heels of my post – and have welcomed feedback – I would say yes, the poem would be stronger without the progressive tense.)
I am ruthless with my poetry – as you know, shave as much as I can. I wouldn’t use “completely” because the meaning is already in the word “devoid.” I do like the idea and image.
You want to respell lonliness.
Hope this helps.
=)
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Oh absolutely, and thank you. 🙂 I wouldn’t have put it beneath your scrutiny if I hadn’t expected your feedback.
Always welcome, always welcome…
Obviously some changes were needed, and as always, I have taken your advice to heart. 🙂
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