…courses through my veins. Even in the dead of night, within the coldest of Winter’s embrace, I still find myself dreaming of other worlds. I awaken, sometimes restless, agitated, as if I know I should be doing anything but lazing beneath cover of sleep. Voices whisper from the recesses of my imagination, telling me of things I should already know, pushing me to create timeless records of their words, worlds, that they may live eternally in the vast white void that is Word..
I’m helpless to their call, drawn by the power they hold over me, to the power I hold because of them. I must confess; it’s maddening. I’m often spiraling out of control, a hopeless, weak, romantic to the idea of being their god. For are we not, gods? Writers, creators of worlds, of countless lives, races, creatures, and the rules by which they live? How far are we, truly, from what it means to bear such their title?
And, for that matter, what if we are the characters of someone else’s story? Would we know? Should we care? Even if the story was once scripted, do we not hold the power to change the next the direction of each chapter? Even if it’s just the tiniest bit, it’s more than what is given to those whose story WE write.
Or, is it? I no longer know. I’m writing of worlds that live within my mind, deep inside of my dreams, of lives that seemingly exist without any of my input. Alternate realities? Personalities? They do not control me, with the exception of pushing me to pen and key. The only harm they cause to me is through the loss of time, time which is stolen from me as I am driven to tell their tales.
The question remains; are they in control, or am I? Does it matter? If we are able to control the direction of our stories, is it not plausible that they exist because they force me to tell theirs?
I often think of the stories I record as those that have already happened, as if they are in the past. That, perhaps, they may have once been in sync with our OWN time, at the moment I first thought of them, but as my life continued to put them on hold, they continued from the point I last left them. It’s through this line of reasoning which I have convinced myself of how I know where the story will go, from the very beginning, to the final end.
So then, it exists. Or, rather, it existed, and those who are the focus of the story demand me to share it through my loved labors of words, and their structures, in the best way I am able.
Sometimes I am away from them for too long. Life has a funny way of demanding one’s attention, doesn’t it? And, if I’m not careful, I may find myself forgetting some of the details. Maybe I forgot to take notes about where I last wrote, or perhaps I have spent more time working on another’s story, and the lines have become blurred.
In these instances, it takes a little longer to return to them, to their stories, and I often find myself stuck, glued in to sticky mire that is often mistaken as an impassible block. However, like anything that has become trapped in the depths, the trick is knowing that there is always a way out. One must search, one must use a little ingenuity, and with perseverance, freedom is but a few words away.
I find myself inspired, but not by my life around me. I am drawn into the the stories within me.
Even now they are calling my name, whispering fervently for my attention, a plea I shall no longer ignore.
I can feel them clawing at my consciousness.
The desire to let them in, to write, is…