We are self-absorbed.

He wasn’t very responsive over lunch. What’s gotten into him?
I’ve been so sick. I expected her to show more concern. How insensitive.
She’s kept away from my family. I feel judged.
I won’t say what I really feel because he would think less of me.

Let’s get over our bad self, shall we?

Our life is all about us, but their lives are not. Remember, as soon as we step outside our door and start interfacing with others, we have two people talking about the same thing from their own perspective, experiences, biases. Let’s look at the way this autobiographical listening plays out when we feel slighted or offended.

He only mumbled during lunch? Maybe he had a headache.  Maybe your illness is too much for her because it replays her mother’s battle with cancer. Or she’d wanted to show more support but has been sick…