What Do You See?

When I was much younger, and while I was still in school, an English Professor brought an empty book to share with the class.

It didn’t have a title, nor did it have any art on its cover. When you opened it, there was no Table of Contents and not a word adorned the pages inside. It was as I said, an empty book.

He passed it around and one by one my peers flipped through it.

He hadn’t told us what he was sharing and he asked that we kept our thoughts to ourselves until it returned to his desk.

Because I sat in the back of the class, I was one of the last to get my hands on this new treasure. I watched with interest as some students snickered when they discovered its secrets, and confusion when others grew irritated with the apparent gag they were inspecting.

It seemed like it took an eternity for the book to get to my desk, (actually only five minutes, but I was young and time was different back then) and I could hardly contain my curiosity.

Then the moment had come. Here was the object of so many mixed emotions and reactions and now it was my turn to learn the source of this mystery!

I was nervous. All eyes were on me as I slowly lifted the cover away from the first page. I hadn’t thought anything about the blank cover, I was so used to wrapping my own with paper bags from the local grocery and it was with the eagerness of youth that I looked for the first line of this new story.

“What do you see,” my professor asked. His voice broke the silence, startling all those nearest him and snapping me back to the present. I didn’t realize it at the time, and if I had I might have embarked down this path a lot sooner, but when I looked upon that blank page I saw something that nobody else had seen.

“Nothing. He sees nothing because there’s nothing there,” answered one of my peers for me.

The class murmured in agreement to the young man’s answer and a small number erupted into nervous laughter, but my instructor had enough wit to quell the uprising before it had gone too far.

“Thank you for your opinion Mr. Handke,” he answered calmly, “but let Mr. Noland answer the question.”

I looked up, startled. A bead of sweat formed above my right brow, growing larger and larger until inevitability it was drawn down by the pull of gravity.

I almost didn’t answer. I almost couldn’t!

But the word that jumped to my mind and from my mouth in that next instant was one that I believe it takes a writer to utter.

“Possibilities.”

From Hiatus to the Trenches

Having been away from writing for far too long, I am finally finding myself returning to a place where I am most comfortable; buried up to my neck in a quagmire full of words and bad intentions.

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions in our home which began with my wife undergoing a rather painful surgical procedure that she is still soldiering through.  My free time, what little of it I have, was redirected towards organizing the troops and getting things done around the house while she recovered.

Barely a week out from under the knife, we lost a beloved member of the family, on her side.  Sadly, we knew that that it was only a matter of time, but in reality there is no preparing for the inevitability of death.  It’s never how you think it will be.  When it happens, you don’t just skip to the burial.  There are an endless parade of arrangements that have to be made before you get to this point, not just for the recently deceased, but in getting the extended family together for the final farewell.

Every breath you take is a struggle against the sadness and despair of realizing that you will have to learn to cope, to live, without the one you lost and it feels as if every second will last an eternity.

Finally, the last calls have been made.  Events have been set into motion and just when you think that you are going to be able to live your trembling chin up once more, you realize that it’s upon you to begin removing the final details of your loved one’s life.  Clothes, pictures, knick-knacks and every little thing that helped define this person must now be sorted, divided, donated and/or thrown away.

Fortunately, this is the point of transition.  This is when you pass the point of “he/she was just talking to me “x” amount of time ago” to “he/she is really gone…”  The pain returns, spreading over your entire being like frozen napalm and once again you lose yourself in the sea of melancholy that has settled around you.

As a horror writer, I was able to look at the whole process a little more objectively than everyone else.  Yes, I was affected by the loss of this person whom I had come to know over the last thirteen years.  I will greatly miss the ribbing and brutal honesty she imparted upon everyone around her.  It was part of her charm, and she will be missed.

But as often as I find myself writing about death, I don’t often think of what happens between the point of being alive and being buried.

With my trilogy, there were a couple of difficult losses to deal with.  But, for the sake of time (not my own, but because the characters were working against it), it has yet to be dealt with.

I have been home for a few days now and my thoughts are abuzz with ideas.  Unfortunately, these ideas involve my recent experiences and incorporating them into my characters during a few moments of their downtime.  I say unfortunate because this means I will have to rewrite some passages in order to give them these traits.

It feels necessary, considering the hell they’ve been through together.

So here I float, in a stinking quagmire of dark emotions and words that need to be sorted, shuffled like a deck of cards and inserted into the final installment of J.R.’s Ballad.  I know not how long this will take.  Compounded with the editing and rewrites I have yet to finish, it certainly looks like a daunting task!

But I am hard at work my friends.  I am home, in spirit and in body and have returned to John’s tale for this final battle of words.

Posts toward my webseries may come a little less frequently, I admit it HAS been awhile since concluding the intro to my latest, but they shall not be forgotten.  I have two posts uploaded that will need some final edits, and I expect to publish them with-in the next few days.

R. Richardsson

 

I Live For These Moments

Quote

I tend to listen to Classical music and Swing when writing during the day. My oldest son, who has passed through during the night and heard what I listen to then, recently asked me why I listen to these kinds of music and not the other. I simply told him that it reminds me of a time when writers had fewer distractions while they worked.

So he asks me what that means, to which I reply;

“Well you see; when I listen to this music, I go to a nice quiet place where there are no televisions, no computers, no radios and no screaming little people.”

His eyes get wider and wider as I tell him this and he answers, awestruck;

“Whoa! Can you take me there sometime?”

Me: “Aww, sure buddy. Get me that book over there, and I’ll take you to a place just like it.”